Ghosts of Memories Past
by Karasu Sora
Summary: ONE-SHOT. Set shortly after Advent Children. Cloud Strife just couldn't let go of the nightmares, of the things that slowly diminished his own heart. The voices in his head grow stronger, but what will happen when he finally loses control over them?


**Disclaimer:** I unfortunately don't own Final Fantasy VII or any other Final Fantasy. -despair!- All their bases belong to Square-Enix and the respective artists. I also don't own the song lyrics I used in this fic which I'll label at the end. -dances into author's note-

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A/N: HIIII. -waves!- Just a brief introduction to this little snippet of a one-shot. It is centered around Cloud Strife, taking place shortly after Advent Children. It is also centered around Sephiroth but he isn't mentioned all that much, at least not directly anyway. This, all together, is around the fact that Cloud may still hold a piece of Sephiroth inside of him, whether intentionally or not. BTW, this is not hating on Cloud or anyone, I love all the characters and I'm not fan of character bashing. This is just something I've had in my mind for some time. Hope you enjoy!

**Ghosts of Memories Past**

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"One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory."

Rita Mae Brown

_Go!_

The Fenrir sped along the highway, ignoring the blatant signs of warning, no trespassing and how all of them bared the name of the World Restoration Organization. The speed cranked up after knocking over a recently new looking metal fence, blocking all drivers from going any further. The driver of said Fenrir wasn't paying any heed to any damage he was currently causing, as if it could do any worse anyway. He only kept his eyes straight on the unfinished road. But even as he looked dead onto his path, his eyes were blinded, clouded even as he squinted them every now and then behind his protective goggles. His golden bangs rushed from side to side, sweeping against his skin, occasionally causing the odd discomfort when he would make a swift turn. Honestly, the last thing on his mind as he blinked his eyes rapidly, the stinging behind them, the odd coloration that made everything hazy and the fact that they kept changing pupils only making things worse for him.

Before he could even acknowledge it, he had arrived at the main part of the Edge, circling his motorcycle past the memorial statute as he took the road that led to his home. His home. The Seventh Heaven. He had everything he wanted, didn't he? The Geostigma was gone, the Remnants were gone, he defeated the very chaos of the Planet for the second time, he got to see his past love for what may have been the last time and gained a never ending grin from his best friend long gone. As if that wasn't enough, all of his friends had reunited and had presented him with smiles abound. It was just that. It was happiness. So much so that he even found himself fighting back a smile before he simply couldn't anymore. Once the smile graced his face, the first one to see the expression was her, his childhood friend, Tifa. Had he been so selfish? So mindless, that he couldn't see what was right in front of him all these years? He had a family, a real family, one that cared for him, who would be by his side through thick and thin no matter what. Not only her, but also Marlene and Denzel. He loved them didn't he? So why now? Why was... this returning? __

To unexplain the unforgivable,  
Drain all the blood and give the kids a show.

His fingers gripped the handles of the vehicle, any more and he could swear he would hear his own bones crack and break under the pressure. He was blinded by rage, by anger, by the feeling of him. It was done with! He had taken care of the devil himself for the second time and yet... he just wouldn't go away! The days had passed after the children had been healed. He had resumed his delivery service with days off now, wanting to spend as much time as he could with Marlene and Denzel. Not just that, but he wanted to help Tifa around, though he knew that he had to do more than that to make up for all the time lost between them.

But just a little over a week ago he had started to feel the unmeasurable pain in his heart again, seeping into his very soul and twisting certain parts of his mind just like then. He had been watching the children draw at one of the tables of the bar in the morning. One thing that he noticed, for some time now, was that Marlene had a strange (to him) penchant for drawing a certain red-headed Turk. Only the god's knew why she wanted to draw that idiot, but it probably had to do with the number of times he had started to visit, often acting like the kids himself. Denzel on the other hand had drawn up numerous drawings of him, usually in some battle pose, mimicking the ones he fought in or simply holding the Buster Sword high up in the air. As amusing as it is, seeing the difference in both Marlene's and Denzel's drawings were, they were just plain odd when lined up next to each other on the fridge or wall.

Staring at the crayon for a moment reminded him of a little conversation he had had at the very same table...

"...Him?"

"Yeah! Um... don'cha like my drawing, Cloud?"

"Uh, well, y-yeah. Of course I do. It's just that..."

"What?"

"... why draw him?"

"But he's so cool, yo!"

"..."

That cued Cloud to bang his head once against the table that day when Marlene and himself had the five second discussion.

Now focusing his vision back on the red crayon, which eerily reminded him of Reno's hair, he set the piece down before him. As soon as the crayon touched the scratched wood of the table, he felt it. It was everywhere. It was drowning out the kid's laughter as his hands shook, but he hadn't let go of the piece of color. Only after his fingers managed to break the piece into another half did he fully let go, unaware of the confused looks he was receiving from both of the kids. It just... happened so fast. Leaving behind a string of questions from Marlene and Denzel, he got up, managing not to knock over the very stool he had been sitting on beside the table down.

He immediately stumbled into the bathroom upstairs after winning a fight with the shifting (his eyes perceiving them that way) stair steps, thanking the Planet that he had been here and not out on the job while this happened. Seconds later his hands collided with the sink and his forehead met with the glass of the mirror with a bang, just enough to crack it and feel a sharp stab on his skin, enough to get a good look at his eyes. His eyes which had been a clear blue, seemingly untainted by the public eye, was now a venomous green, icy and poisonous. It only took a couple of minutes before he realized what was happening. And when he did, he lost all control....

_  
By streetlight this dark night,  
A seance down below._

The glasses shattered, filling the floor of the bar with dangerous and diamond-like blades. He grabbed her by the neck, but she didn't fight back as the crunching of the glass underneath his boots echoed all throughout. With a swift pull, he flung her across the room, her body slamming against the jukebox that stood by the opposite wall. Again, she didn't fight. But, why not? Why not when even blood dripped down her forehead and she could painfully feel the sound of some ribs grinding against each other than a horrifying cacophony. Because it wasn't him. This couldn't be him. Not those eyes, not that wicked and unrelenting smirk on his face. That wasn't Cloud... it couldn't be.

The children had been asked to go play outside by Tifa just moments ago when she heard the multiple crashing coming from upstairs. They questioned her as always and it was normal of them of course. They were worried, for both her and for Cloud. But she assured them and made them promise, that no matter how many sounds they heard, they would stay outside until asked to come back in. They were reluctant, and again, that was normal. Still, all it took was a warm smile from Tifa and an embrace for both for them from them to even agree and then to promise shortly after. They interlocked their pinkies, one with another, before separating.

Could they hear the shatter? Shouldn't she scream for help? No, she couldn't bring them into this! She wouldn't dare.

Tifa managed to roll onto her side after having her back jab against one of the legs of the music player. She could hear a slow laughter grow louder and louder, till finally she was grabbed again, her face inches from his. His face, his innocent face, was horribly contorted into a mix of anger, sadness and pure delight. She was scared, she wouldn't deny that fact as her ribs cracked some more by the harsh second pull, reminding her of the situation. Situation? This was more than that, it was possession, it was... so many things that she couldn't bring to mind right now as the pain filtered her mind from doing much thinking. He had his right hand twisted around the hem of the shoulder strap of her top. The fabric was starting to un-stitch from the pressure of her body as she tried, ever so weakly, to raise one hand to his face. Maybe it would be enough to remind him who she was, what he was doing and to help him fight it, to fight that demon in him. But that demon had a name, a name all of the Planet knew all too well.

_There's things that I have done, you never,  
Should ever know._

Before she could lay a fingertip on his jaw, his other hand swiped up suddenly, wrangling his gloved fingers around her frail neck, pressing hard against her skin. It was with such force that she uttered a cry from her lips. Yet she didn't fight. She wouldn't hurt him, not him. It wasn't him! But yet, it was. There was the spiky blond hair that seemed to go in all directions but looked precise and perfect. There was his face but not his emotions, only for the one she could faintly see within those glaring green eyes, fighting and yet failing. There was his hands, one slowly tightening beneath her chin while the other had let go of her top and now laid limply at his side. His eyes were no longer in view now, his head tilted down as his bangs shadowed them, giving him an even more ominous appearance. Not just that, but she could see blood dripping down his own forehead, showing through his lightly colored hair strands.

Her breathing had was now short and gasped, a sloe croaking sound emitting from her throat. She wouldn't last much longer like this and she may be strong, but right now her strength was failing her, as was her heart.

_And without you is how I disappear,  
And live my life alone forever now.  
And without you is how I disappear,  
And live my life alone forever now._

"T-think... think of-of... us. Pro-promise... promise me."

Cloud's head gave a jerk, looking directly at her weary eyes, half-closed, barely focusing anymore. For a brief second, his eyes shifted, but not to their usual blue hue. It was a stormy gray, almost translucent as it took over the green. Suddenly, it was just enough for his fingers to loosen, dropping Tifa down, albeit roughly, to the floor. A gasp instantly escaped her before she bit down on her bottom lip, suppressing a scream.

They can't know.

But who was kidding anyone as the doors to the bar slammed open and in came two kids who immediately stopped in their tracks at the scene before them. It was their hero. The one who saved the Planet countless times. Marlene was silent, her mouth hanging open in fright, clutching her hands into the fabric of her skirt. Denzel however was the first to react, tears springing into his eyes as he held them back before he jumped off the ground into a run toward Cloud, anger spread across his face. Tifa had opened her mouth to stop him, but she didn't count on what happened next. There were screams from all sides and a voice that sprung up like a thousand blades, one that sent shivers down your spine and broke it all at the same time.

It was Cloud, it was his yell turning into a scream. One scream that was sickening, loud and cracking in between, it rose a thousand pitches as another sound joined in. The sound of skin breaking, ripping as he broke to his knees in agony. Denzel had halted, standing a mere feet away from the sight and it wasn't Cloud who was there before him. It wasn't his hero.

It was the one-winged angel.

__

Who walks among the famous living dead,  
Drowns all the boys and girls inside your bed.  
And if you could talk to me,  
Tell me if it's so,

A cry erupted from Marlene as she took a couple of steps back, but as soon as she did she ran in the direction of Tifa's injured body, kneeling before her, protectively.

_  
That all good girls go to heaven.  
Well, heaven knows,_

A flutter of feathers engulfed the room, encompassing the figure that stood menacingly before them. As the blackness lowered further down, a pair of glowing green eyes marred his face. Cloud's face still, only now the acidic green was stronger and there was a protruding angel wing from his back that extended outward, letting loose another string of feathers. They littered the floor like a black lagoon, only a couple of areas were left untainted by them. Tifa opened her eyes further, looking past Marlene's arm at the man who threatened everything she had ever worked for. That _they_ had ever worked for! As a family!

This couldn't have been happening. This had to be a nightmare... just a nightmare! Wake up!

__

That without you is how I disappear.  
And live my life alone forever now.  
And without you is how I disappear,  
And live my life alone forever now.

He remained sitting on the Fenrir right in front of the bar now, removing his goggles so he could rub his eyes and shake his head, shake those fake images from his head. It wasn't real. Yet he stopped in motion, his hands dropping slightly from his face before he turned his head far enough so he could vaguely look at his back. Nothing, all but the pain inside of him that still kept going. He had to admit that it was subsiding a little, if not much, as he closed his eyes, resting his elbows on the handles of the bike and placing his face into the palms of his gloves. Cloud could feel the dying sun in the sky hit his body weakly, the small amount of warmth comforting at the same time. Around him he could hear footsteps of a scattered crowd who would more than likely be visiting the bar later tonight. If they only knew of everything. Not just what the news had told them all, but of everything behind it.

A small chuckle escaped his lips, muffled by the leather of his gloves as he motioned his fingers on his forehead slowly. He was being ridiculous, nothing would happen, not his family or to him. He wouldn't allow it.

_  
Can you hear me cry out to you?  
Words I thought I'd choke on figure out._

"_I'll gladly take away all that you cherish."_

_  
I'm really not so with you any more._

"_Does it hurt knowing that at any moment I could do it? I could erase it all?"_

_  
I'm just a ghost, so I can't hurt you anymore,_

"_I may not be psychically here, Cloud. But know that you still carry me in your mind... and your heart. Even if it is in the darkest pits of it. I'm still there. Burning forever until one day... you lose it."_

_  
So I can't hurt you anymore._

"_Not you, but I can hurt them. I will hurt them. Rip them apart one... by... one. And guess what's the real fun of it all, Cloud?"_

__

And now  
You wanna see how far down I can sink?

Cloud gritted his teeth together, pressing his fingers harder to his skin, letting out a shaky breath that seemed to tremble his entire body. And then the voice stopped, taking the pain along with it. The stinging and the brutal aches just vanished as he looked up from his hands, his eyes looking over his fingers before he straightened up. It was nothing. Nothing at all.

"You can't do a damn thing, Sephiroth."

He muttered out loud, uncaring of who may or may not have heard him as he stepped down from Fenrir, shutting the engine off. Making his way up the small steps to the bar, he smiled, now growing more and more used to the feeling of just complete happiness all throughout. Not a burden in his mind, just as long as he had everything he wanted, everything he loved, cherish and would protect to the end's of the world.

_  
Let me out!  
So you can_

He now reached a gloved hand toward the entrance doors, pressing his palm against the worn material for a moment. Cloud let out another breath, but this time it wasn't shaky as another smile graced his smiles before he pushed open the door all the way.

_  
Well now so you can  
I'm so far away from you  
Well now so you can_

"_Without me, there's no you, Cloud. Just know that any day, at any second, when you least expect it..."_

_  
And without you is how I disappear,_

What met his eyes, was what the purest of nightmares were made of. His nightmare was a reality. And then he knew, just as he stared blankly. Just as his fingers clenched together with a liquid that covered them suddenly.

_  
And without you is how I disappear,_

Just as the small piece of his heart that remained diminished into nothing, maybe and almost for certain, Cloud Strife would never let go of the ghosts of memories past.

_  
Forever  
Forever now _

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A/N: What? Whaaaaat? AH! I wasn't gonna write that ending! But... it didn't feel complete without it. And a happy ending would've worked too, it's just that it didn't... work. It's hard to explain. Also, imagine the scene he saw, think of the brutal one earlier in the story and you'll get the idea. I swear I'll write a happy one for Cloud, he's been through enough. -headesk- Probably a Cloud and Zack one though, not as a pairing, I'm sorry. Friends, frieeeeeennndddss! Also, the song screamed Sephiroth... I'm sure you agree. -grin- I can't be the only one who thinks that... -whistles-

**Song lyrics: **

My Chemical Romance – "This is How I Disappear"


End file.
